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[HUGH]

Chentlemen of the BI,



Re John Felthams' question, I haven't a clue what the answer is, but here's the ghost of a BI Christmas past in place of an answer.



Once upon a time, while at home on about the third day of a leave from Chakdara, I got a telegram asking where my heavy luggage was.  It took me a while to work out what lay behind the question, but eventually it dawned that they meant - at home with me, or still aboard the ship in M'bro.  I replied the latter, and was required to join Chilka in London as Acting 4th.  The details of how I and my luggage got reunited are now lost, but I signed on Chilka, and in due course we set sail for points east.



Jock Dewar was Chief, Jim Broadley was my fiver, Mike Kerley was 3/O, A.Cadet was a cadet, and A.N.Other was C/O.  I know who the rest were, but they don't figure in the tale, so I'll leave them out in the interests of clarity.  I can't recall the name of the cadet.  I passed A.N. Other at the 150th in Glasgow - recognition wasn't mutual, and I forbore to remind him.



My tale concerns the great Christmas actress scandal that was the talk of Chilka on Boxing Day.



One of the passengers on the trip out was a young actress.  She was very very good looking and was the subject of a great deal of unrequited fantasy and longing.  As long as nobody was the object of her interest, we had no real cause for complaint, but come Christmas things got desperate.  A rumour started, probably by a seagull, that she and  A.N.Other were enjoying rather more than each other's company, and  we disintegrated in a cloud of jealousy into little cliques of gossip and innuendo and worse.

 

On Christmas Day we were still at sea, approaching Colombo as far as I recall, and the Scots officers did extra watches to let the English have most of the day off, in the knowledge that the favour would be reciprocated at New Year. I came out of the engine room at 8.00 pm instead of 4.00, and Jim Broadley and I, along with Mike Kerley, had a fine but late Christmas dinner at 9.00 in the Engineers' Messroom, with a few glasses of wine, etc.  After the meal we went along to the Chief's cabin where Jock was hosting a party.

 

At first we were the only ones there, and I had an experience I often have at such functions.  I sat on the floor with a glass of something and, in a flash, as it were, the dayroom was full of noisy people, all drinking and waving their arms about.  At some point we noted that A.N.Other was at the party, but the actress and the cadet were missing.  This confused us, and a small but determined group set out to look for them.



The initial part of the search involved a traverse of the shelter deck at the forward end of the passenger accommodation.  It was a pitch black night, and there were no lights on that deck. This confused us (we were often confused), and some noise and language ensued, as was testified by one or two passengers next morning.

 

Using logic, we called eventually at her cabin and, not finding her there,  we thought we'd make up for it by borrowing her swimming costume - it was on a hanger.  The 3rd Mate put it on and padded out the bra part with some odds and ends, and we proceeded on our quest with him thus attired.  We found them in the cadet's cabin. Through the keyhole we could see them sitting chatting.  This angered us more than if they had been in bed.



The rest of the evening is lost forever.

 

Next morning on watch, I was confronted by the C/O in a very angry mood and looking for a fight.  He claimed I had cast aspersions on Miss West and himself.  I had the only hangover I've ever had in an engine room, so I took refuge in obvuscation and outrage. He left when the fiver suggested the circumstances warranted stopping the job so that I could the better attend to him.  Fat chance, but he left anyway.



After lunch, Jock Dewar came into the messroom.  He said there had been complaints about noise and language, etc, and the lady and the C/O were very upset about what we had been shouting through the keyhole of the cadet's cabin about them. Jock relayed the complaints about the noise, but left it at that.  Of the other matter, he took a neutralish stance and asked us to gird our loins as a favour to him and apologise to the lady, since maybe it wasn't true.  We apologised to her, she gave a wan smile of acceptance, and the matter was not referred to again.  There were no repercussions whatever.  I daresay more went on than we were privy to - I don't think Jock took kindly to the C/Os trip down below.  As for the rest, I've no idea.



Hugh.
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