[BITList] English...strange language

[michael J Feltham]

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>       ENGLISH..........strange language
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> For all of you who wonder why folk from other countries have a bit of
> trouble with the English language. This is a clever piece put together by
> an English teacher, who else??
> 
> *Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A
> homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.*
> 
> *You think English is easy??*   *I think a retired English teacher was
> bored...THIS IS GREAT !* *Read all the way to the end.................This
> took a lot of work to put together!*
> 
> 1) The bandage was *wound *around the *wound.*
> 
> 2) The farm was used to *produce produce*.
> 
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to *refuse *more *refuse*.
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> 4) We must *polish *the *Polish *furniture..
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> 5) He could *lead *if he would get the *lead *out.
> 
> 6) The soldier decided to *desert *his dessert in the *desert..*
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> 7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time to
> 
> *present *the *present.*
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> 8) A *bass *was painted on the head of the *bass *drum.
> 
> 9) When shot at, the *dove dove *into the bushes.
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> 10) I did not *object *to the *object.*
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> 11) The insurance was *invalid *for the *invalid.*
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> 12) There was a *row *among the oarsmen about how to *row*.
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> 13) They were too *close *to the door to *close *it.
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> 14) The buck *does *funny things when the *does *are present.
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> 15) A seamstress and a *sewer *fell down into a *sewer *line.
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> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his *sow *to *sow.*
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> 17) The *wind *was too strong to *wind *the sail.
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> 18) Upon seeing the *tear *in the painting I shed a *tear..*
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> 19) I had to *subject *the *subject *to a series of tests.
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> 20) How can I *intimate *this to my most *intimate *friend?
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> 
> Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
> nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
> weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
> candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English
> for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
> work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
> Guinea nor is it a pig. 
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> Look and see mean about the same, but overlook and oversee mean the opposite. 
> 
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
> groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
> the
> plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese So one moose, 2 meese? One
> index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
> one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
> of them, what do you call it?
> 
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
> vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
> English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
> In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by
> truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How
> can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
> wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
> language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
> fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
> on.
> 
> English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
> creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
> is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
> out, they are invisible.
> 
> PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'? AND If a male goat is called
> a ram and a donkey is called an ass, why is a ram-in-the-ass called a
> goose? 
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