[BITList] English...strange language

[John Feltham]

      ENGLISH..........strange language

 
 
 
 
For all of you who wonder why folk from other countries have a bit of
trouble with the English language. This is a clever piece put together by
an English teacher, who else??

*Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A
homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.*

*You think English is easy??*   *I think a retired English teacher was
bored...THIS IS GREAT !* *Read all the way to the end.................This
took a lot of work to put together!*

1) The bandage was *wound *around the *wound.*

2) The farm was used to *produce produce*.

3) The dump was so full that it had to *refuse *more *refuse*.

4) We must *polish *the *Polish *furniture..

5) He could *lead *if he would get the *lead *out.

6) The soldier decided to *desert *his dessert in the *desert..*

7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time to

*present *the *present.*

8) A *bass *was painted on the head of the *bass *drum.

9) When shot at, the *dove dove *into the bushes.

10) I did not *object *to the *object.*

11) The insurance was *invalid *for the *invalid.*

12) There was a *row *among the oarsmen about how to *row*.

13) They were too *close *to the door to *close *it.

14) The buck *does *funny things when the *does *are present.

15) A seamstress and a *sewer *fell down into a *sewer *line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his *sow *to *sow.*

17) The *wind *was too strong to *wind *the sail.

18) Upon seeing the *tear *in the painting I shed a *tear..*

19) I had to *subject *the *subject *to a series of tests.

20) How can I *intimate *this to my most *intimate *friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig. 
  
  
Look and see mean about the same, but overlook and oversee mean the opposite. 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the
plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese So one moose, 2 meese? One
index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by
truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How
can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'? AND If a male goat is called
a ram and a donkey is called an ass, why is a ram-in-the-ass called a
goose? 
 


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