[BITList] : A Yorkshire tale

[FS]

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>>
>>
>>     *Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital*
>>
>>     A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and
>>     his client after what started out as a routine inking session,
>>     left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
>>
>>     Vintage film fan and part time plus size model Tracey Munter
>>     (23), had visited the Ink It Good Tattoo Emporium on Wellgate
>>     last week to have the finishing touches applied to a double
>>     buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic
>>     1959 film, Ben Hur. Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
>>
>>     /“It was a  big job in more ways than one.”/ he told us /“I’d
>>     just lit a roll up and was finishing off a centurions helmet.
>>     It’s delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight
>>     ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s
>>     whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and
>>     before I know what’s happening, there’s a flame shooting from her
>>     arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire.”/
>>
>>     Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only
>>     to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area
>>     with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud
>>     and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.
>>
>>     /“To be honest”,/ said Jason, /“I didn’t even realise she was
>>     wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence  and a torch to
>>     find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe  in
>>     there and I’d have been none the wiser.”/
>>
>>     Jason and Tracey  were taken
>>     to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department
>>     where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are
>>     adamant that the other is to blame.
>>
>>     /“I’m furious”/ said Jason, /“I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden
>>     dog and my left eyebrows not there any more. I don’t know about
>>     Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind’s more like it. You don’t just let
>>     rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous.”/
>>
>>     But  Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant;
>>
>>     /“I’m still in agony,”/ she said, “/And Charlton Heston looks
>>     more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn’t have  had a
>>     fag on the go and there’s no way I’d guff on purpose. He’d had me
>>     on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for
>>     so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that. I give
>>     him my five second warning and I’d have done the same for Jason,
>>     but I didn’t get chance – it just crept out.”/
>>
>>     Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service
>>     wasn’t surprised when we told him what had happened /“People just
>>     don’t appreciate the dangers....“/ he told us, /“We get called
>>     out to more flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires
>>     these days, now people have moved over to oven chips. We have a
>>     slogan ‘Flame ‘n fart – keep ’em apart’. Anyone engaging in an
>>     arse inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future.”/
>>
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