[BITList] Jokes from the Fringe

[Michael Feltham]

Dave’s Top 15 Funniest Jokes from the Fringe Festival 2016
“My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card.  He’s a man after my own heart.” - Masai Graham
“Why is it old people say 'there’s no place like home', yet when you put them in one…” - Stuart Mitchell
“I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.” - Mark Watson
“Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.” - Mark Smith
“I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second.” - Will Duggan
“Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” - Tiff Stevenson
“I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.” - Gary Delaney
“Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.” - Adele Cliff
“Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” - Annie McGrath
“Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” - Jordan Brookes
“Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.” - Michelle Wolf
“I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” - Roger Swift
“Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” - Arthur Smith
“I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” - Zoe Lyons
“Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” - Phil Nicol

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