[BITList] Random Thoughts

[FA]

There are two sides to every divorce:   Yours and Shithead's.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0  in college was my blood alcohol content.

I live in my own little world but it's OK;  everyone knows me here.

I saw a rather large woman wearing a  sweatshirt with "Guess" on it.  I 
said, "Thyroid  problem?"

I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up 
really fast.

A sign In a Chinese Pet Store:  "Buy  one dog, get one flea."

Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas.  I really wanted a screamer or a  moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

I don't approve of political jokes.  I've seen too many of them get 
elected.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no 
trade-in value.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade.  If life deals you tomatoes, 
make Bloody  Mary’s.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you 
want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip:  You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days 
I've stayed alive.

That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan 
to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery 
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing 
section in a swimming pool?

Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in  bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:  
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's  been!"

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own 
pants.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over 
fifty for Miss America?

When I was young, we used to go "skinny dipping."  Now I just go "chunky 
dunking."

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting 
clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up 
in the first place.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply 
press Ctrl Alt delete
and start all over?

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the 
difference.

Wouldn't you know it!  Brain cells come and brain cells go, but  FAT 
cells live forever.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can 
in prison?






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