[BITList] Understanding Engineers

[John Feltham]

G’day Colin,

On 28 Oct 2013, at 11:05 am, x50type <x50type at cox.net> wrote:

We got short changed!

Where is the Understanding Engineers #1?


>  Two engineering students were biking across a university
> campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
> minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on
> this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
> "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and
> said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you
> anyway."
> Understanding Engineers #2
> 
> To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
> is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
> needs to be.
> 
> Understanding Engineers #3
> 
> A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
> for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
> "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for
> fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
> never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the
> greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello
> George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
> rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
> That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving
> our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
> for free anytime!."
> 
> The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's
> so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
> The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
> ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything
> she can do for them."
> 
> The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
> 
> Understanding Engineers #4
> 
> What is the difference between mechanical engineers and
> civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons.
> Civil engineers build targets.
> 
> Understanding Engineers #5
> 
> The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
> The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
> The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
> The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
> 
> Understanding Engineers #6
> 
> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
> who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a
> mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
> 
> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
> system has many thousands of electrical connections."
> The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
> engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through
> a recreational area?"
> 
> Understanding Engineers #7
> Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
> Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
> enough features yet.
> 
> Understanding Engineers #8
> An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called
> out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
> princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
> The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back
> into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
> The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
> returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
> and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week
> and do anything you want."
> 
> Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
> into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
> I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you
> for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
> The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
> for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
> 
> And Finally . . . Two engineers???
> Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole,
> looking at its top.
> 
> A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
> "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven,
> "but we don't have a ladder."
> 
> The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple
> of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took
> a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement,
> announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
> One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that
> does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
> Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and
> are currently serving in the United States Congress.
> 
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ooroo


The following lines were cut by a soldier in a stone sentry-box at Gibraltar: 

"God and the soldier all men adore. 
In time of trouble, and no more; 
For when war is over, 
And all things righted, 
God is neglected; 
And the old soldier slighted." 





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