[BITList] Understanding Engineers

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Subject:  Understanding Engineers

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Two engineering students were biking across a university
campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and
said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you
anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
"What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for
fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the
greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello
George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving
our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free anytime!."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything
she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and
civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through
a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called
out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back
into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week
and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you
for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

And Finally . . . Two engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole,
looking at its top.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven,
"but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple
of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took
a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement,
announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that
does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and
are currently serving in the United States Congress.

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