*Sometimes when I reflect back on all the
wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into
the glass and think about the workers in the
vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams
**.. **If I didn't drink this wine, they
might be out of work and their dreams would
be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry
about my liver." */
//~ Jack Handy /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
leave you wondering what the hell happened
to your bra and panties. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
*"I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they Wake up in the morning, that's as
good as they're going to feel all day. " */
//~Frank Sinatra /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most
people. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ */
//"When I read about the evils of drinking,
I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead
you to
think people are laughing WITH you. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **
**"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case .
Coincidence? I think not." */
//~ Stephen Wright /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
cause you to think you can sing. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get
drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep,
we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we
go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!" */
~ Brian O'Rourke /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
cause pregnancy. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **
**"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy." */
//~ Benjamin Franklin /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a
major factor in dancing like a retard. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **
**"Without question, the greatest invention
in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I
grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly
as well with pizza." */
//~ Dave Barry /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
cause you to tell your friends over and over
again that you love them. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **
**To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a
Support Group. Salvation in a can! **
~ */Dave Howell /
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make
you think you can logically converse with
members of the opposite sex without spitting. *
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ */
//And saving the best for last, as explained
by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at
Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went: /*
**"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd
of buffalo can only move as fast as the
slowest buffalo. And when the herd is
hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a
whole, because the general speed and health
of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In
much the same way, the human brain can only
operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making
the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter
after a few beers." *
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make
you think you are whispering when you are not .
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