[BITList] Fwd: Australians

[franka]

Sorry John meant to say John
think this is the one
frank

**/WE ARE AUSTRALIANS! ('Nuff said!)/**
/
We,////the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional 
wanker.
We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from////New 
Zealand)
And although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the 
right to bitch
And moan about it whenever we bloody like.

We are One Nation but we're divided into many States:

First, there's Victoria , named after a queen who didn't believe in 
lesbians.
Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand-final 
day and big horse races.
Its capital is////Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that 'it's 
livable'..
At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody 
cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar,
Thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens.
Its capital, Sydney , has more queens than any other city in the world 
and is proud of it.
Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their speedos up their cracks 
to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania , a state based on the notion that the 
family that bonks together stays together.
In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception.
Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of 
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. //
SA//is the state of innovation.
Where else can you so effectively re-use country bank vaults and barrels 
as in Snowtown,
Just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen).
They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of the track caused 
the Formula
One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. Its main 
claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did 
all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work, and the 
extra sun would fade the curtains
WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still 
work there in the
Government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, 
sheep stations the size of Europe , Kangaroos, Jackaroos, Emus, Uluru 
and dusty kids with big smiles.
It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and 
its creek beds have the highest aluminum content of anywhere too.
Although the Territory is the center piece of our national culture, few 
of us live there
And the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali .

And there's Queensland .............While any mention of God seems silly 
in a document defining a nation of half-arsed skeptics, it is worth 
noting that God probably made Queensland- it's beautiful one day and 
perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

Oh yes, and there's Canberra . The least said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists 
and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our 
lust for international recognition.
Not that we're whingeing; we leave that to our Pommie immigrants.

We want to make 'no worries mate' our national phrase, 'she'll be right 
mate' our national attitude and 'Waltzing Matilda' our national anthem. 
(So what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide??)

We love sport so much our news readers can read the death toll from a 
sailing race
And still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all 
the sports that count,
Like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing.

We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies and the worst-dressed 
Olympians in the known universe.

We shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime.
Even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded,
Sports-obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

**I am, you are, we are Australian.**/


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