[BITList] More RAF Insults

[John Feltham]

DI = Drill Instructor.  SP = Service Police

DI was marching a squad on an icy day. "Dig your heels in, you will not slip!" At that point he slipped and landed on his back flat out on the ground, quick thinking for a DI he immediately shouted: "However, if you do fall, this is how you will do it".

D.I. at Bridgenorth addressing our recruit intake.
" Soon we will be asking for volunteers to donate blood, and god help any of you who do not volunteer" 

"You in pain, Son ?"   "You should be ! I'm standing on your bl**dy 'air ! GET IT CUT !!" 

I arrived back from summer leave (1954) and arriving at Cosford Halt. We were greeted with the usual reception of those nice SP's and there was a BIG Flt. Sgt there who grabbed me and took off my hat and screamed "Don't you dare sneeze, you'll whip all these poor boys to death! Corporal, double this boy to the barbers before he commits murder".

"Airman. there is a button undone on your shirt, this is not a nudist colony"

"Airman, you resemble the bottom of a bird cage"

Flight, Attention" bang in unison. "Flight stand at ease" another bang as boots hit the concrete. "Stand easy"
"Right you thick lot, one Thursday afternoon each month the Education Officer will give a lecture to each flight in an attempt to give you a tiny morsal of education. This afternoon he will give this flight a lecture on Keats, and I do not for one minute think that any of you ignorant lot will have the faintest idea of what a Keat looks like". 

Young airman to old chiefy when told he was drip tray cleaning on Friday afternoon "Oh!  bollocks chief!" 
Old chiefy to young airman "I don't care what holds your ears apart lad, just get on with it"!

What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot?
God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

How do you know there's a fighter pilot in the room?
He'll tell you.

How do you know when a fighter pilot will stop talking about his job?
He's dead.

Whats the difference between an Air Traffic Controller and a Pilot ?
When a Pilot stuffs up..the Pilot dies, 
When an Air Traffic Controller stuffs up ....The Pilot dies. 

Same DI to same Recruit.
"If you don't learn to march properly I will have you back flighted so far you will be servicing Sopwith Camels". 

D.I. Fletcher to a new recruit at Bridgnorth, "Did you shave this morning airman", airman, "Yes corporal. "You effing didn't, fall out go back to the ablutions where you will organise equipment which will be used for the afore mentioned procedure, and this time you will stand closer to the effing razor."

During rifle drill, which had been ordered to "alleviate the stiffness and soreness" having just recieved a T.A.B.T. jab, I somehow managed to lose my grip on the old Lee Enfield which clattered to the ground, The same corporal Fletcher placed himself very swiftly two inches from my nose and screamed, "What happened you stupid idiot?" "I dropped my gun corporal." "Dropped your effing gun?, we don't use effing guns in this airforce we use effing rifles, and one more **** up from you and you will be doing rifle drill with a bow and effing arrow.

Regiment training at Catterick in the 50s was pretty daunting.  I remember well being issued with a Lee Enfield .303 rifle which was yours for the full time you spent as a U/T Gunner (Under Training). If you called the .303 your gun, you were required to double round the square with the rifle held aloft with one hand and the other clutching your privates shouting, 'This is my rifle the others my gun, one is for shooting and the others for fun.  From then onwards the .303 was a rifle.

To marching WAAF's "Stretch them legs nothin's gonna fall out!" 

To Boy Entrant on spit and polish. "And I want them boots shinin' like a tanner on a black mans arse!" 

January 1960 Bridgenorth had four flights A B C and D. My flight was D. Each flight had a Flt Sgt equiped with a pace stick. [The only time I have seen one used in the RAF] Our Flt Sgt had one of those new issue Macs and being the middle of winter was never seen without it. One of the incongruous things about him was he had his Crown and tapes up on the Mac. As well as looking a bit odd on one of the very few occasions that I and a mate was ambling down to the mess for tea [We were usually marched down as a flight] we heard his high decibal dulcet tones yelling at us "YOU TWO GET INTO THREE'S AND MARCH PROPERLY".

Just remembered one of my favourites from way back
Were you born a ****wit or did you have to take lessons?

"Hopen that winder to a hangle of forty-five percent!"

I heard that. "Were you born stupid or did you take pills for it?"

Monty Python does the Sgt Major so well....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLJ8ILIE780


Wait…..there's more to come!  :-)


ooroo


















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