[BITList] repeat oldies

Wed Feb 9 14:30:52 GMT 2011

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I got some new aftershave today that smells like bread crumbs, the birds 
love it!

David Cameron has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to 
claim benefits. From next week all the forms will be printed in English.

Husband says to wife 'My Olympic condoms have arrived -- I think I'll 
wear gold tonight' . Wife says 'why don't you wear silver and come 
second for a change'.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver 
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to 
myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.

An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a 
flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on 
board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right 
bollocking -- apparently they were Allied Carpets!

Tampax have announced today that they will be replacing the cord on 
their tampons with a piece of tinsel. This will be for the Christmas 
period only.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking 
Doctor' - I thought what a good idea, why don't we have them in our country.

The lead actor in the local pantomime Aladdin was sexually abused from 
behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.

ICAN SO RELATE...

cid:1__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:2__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:3__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:4__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:5__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:6__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:7__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:8__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:9__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:A__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:B__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:C__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:D__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:E__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:F__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:10__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

cid:11__=0FBBF2B8DFDBE0DA8f9e8a93 at Selex-Comms.com

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This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We
>  > have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
>  >
>  > Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
>  > that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date
>  > experience.
>  >
>  > There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
>  >
>  > She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... And the guy had
>  > taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It
>  > was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had
>  > never met before.
>  >
>  > The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home
>  > late that afternoon.
>  >
>  > They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
>  > realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were 
about an
>  > hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
>  > Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile.
>  > Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
>  > point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go 
beside the
>  > road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
>  >
>  > They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her 
pants
>  > down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she
>  > let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
>  >
>  > Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and 
indeed
>  > was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think
>  > about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of
>  > the situation.
>  >
>  > Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As
>  > she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her 
buttocks were
>  > firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
>  > poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh
>  > from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
>  > problem, due to the extreme cold.
>  >
>  > Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
>  > answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply
>  > that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some
>  > assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself 
with her
>  > sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out
>  > laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to
>  > compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
>  >
>  > Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced 
with a
>  > real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly
>  > cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had 
gotten her
>  > into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that 
there
>  > was only one way to get her free.
>  >
>  > So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip
>  > his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
>  >
>  > As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
>  > hands down.
>  >
>  > Or perhaps that should be 'pants down. ' And you thought your first date
>  > was embarrassing.
>  >
>  > Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed 
off.'
=

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