[BITList] Fw: Your giggle for the day - Northampton Church Ladies BulletinBoard

[Ronald Thomas]

 Northampton Church Ladies BulletinBoard






            
           They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church 
           ladies with typewriters... These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) 
           actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church 
           services:


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           The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 
           -------------------------- 
           The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon 
          tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 
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           Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of 
           those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
           -------------------------- 
           Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at 
           someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care 
          much about you. 
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           Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
           -------------------------- 
           Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving 
           obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
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          For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery 
          downstairs. 
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           Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.. They need all the 
           help they can get. 
          -------------------------- 
           Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the 
           church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
           -------------------------- 
           A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music 
           will follow. 
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           At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is 
           Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice 
           -------------------------- 
           Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of 
           several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 
           -------------------------- 
           Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be 
           recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
           -------------------------- 
           Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased 
           person you want remembered. 
          -------------------------- 
          The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and 
           gracious hostility.. 
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          Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 
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           The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may 
           be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
           -------------------------- 
          This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across 
           from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.. 
           -------------------------- 
           Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies 
           are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. 
           -------------------------- 
           The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would 
           lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
           -------------------------- 
           Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use 
           the back door. 
           - ------------------------- 
           The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the 
           Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend 
           this tragedy. 
           -------------------------- 
           Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. 
           Please use large double door at the side entrance. 
           -------------------------- 
           The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last 
           Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. 




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