[BITList] HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT.

[John Feltham]

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of  
Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared  
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now  
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic  
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law  
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some  
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we  
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate  
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once  
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are  
leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the  
different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their  
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these  
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we  
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as  
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase  
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in  
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and  
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand  
proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls  
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase  
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in  
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes  
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman  
year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,'  
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then  
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic  
and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that  
since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any  
more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby  
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last  
night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'



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