[BITList] Fwd: Tools explained, a must read

[Michael Feltham]

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Mike
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From:
Date: 6 March 2009 20:34:42 GMT
To: mj.feltham at madasafish.com
Subject: Fwd: Tools explained, a must read



Attached Message
From:	pino santangelo <psantang at bigpond.net.au>
To:	pino santangelo <psantang at bigpond.net.au>
Subject:	FW: Tools explained, a must read
Date:	Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:44:26 -0000
Some of you will love this and some of you will wonder what the fuss  
is all
about



Subject: FW: Tools explained, a must read





DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
  flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
  chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
  freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
  where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
  under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints
  and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you
  to say, 'Oh sh -- '

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
  holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
  of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor  
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
  principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
  motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
  dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
   heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to  
transfer
   intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
  flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
  grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing
  race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
  projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
  after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
  handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
  to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit
  into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of
  the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
  of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
  on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used
  to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
  butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
  bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
  is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
  adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
  cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
  well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
  bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
  parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
  use.

DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
  while yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
  often, the next tool that you will need.







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