[BITList] Punfun for the weak end

[John Feltham]

An astronaut who fails on a weightlessness experiment must be aware of the gravity of the situation
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 My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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There once was a male prostitute so popular that he had to hire a secretary and a public relations director. Thereafter, whenever a woman called him, his staff rose to the occasion.
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Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.
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Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get
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I explained to the proctologist that my wife and I were making love on the couch
and the channel changer just got in the way, but he said the odds were pretty remote.
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Dejected & Dejaculated....
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer.
The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem, pal?"
"My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation!" said the dejected gent.
"Yeah, so?" replied the barkeep.
"Don't you get it?" the man cried our. "I've already let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
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Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
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An oyster that will not give up its pearl is very shellfish.
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"Great, just what I need," she moaned as her husband brought home a new microwave oven. 
"One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds."
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A Draughtsman residing in Poole
Was possessed of a singular tool.
Said he, matter-of-factly,
It's twelve inches exactly
But I don't use it much as a rule.
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I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating. 
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A bribe is when the giver says "Thanks" and the recipient says "Don't mention it."
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In church, there are many nice sights,
But having to kneel really bites.
Don't take it sitting down.
Try earning some renown.
Be assertive; stand up for your rites.
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 A very wise man once said, " You should treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner.
When she stops sucking, change the bag."
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Hear about the movie featuring a woman who uses an old wooden vibrator? It is called, "Love is a many splintered thing."
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Viagra Chapstik: One way to keep a "stiff upper lip!" 
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The Queen of England shocked all the Brits when she said, "I need a man to knight." 
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A Florida gynecologist is a spreader of old wives' tails.
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"Does 'anal retentive' have a hyphen?" 
"No, it has a colon." 
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Did you hear about the girl chasing the boy around the church? 
She caught him by the organ!
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  Having grown up in New York City I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. Until, that is,
I married a small-town Southern girl. My first position as a rabbi was a temporary assignment
at a small synagogue in a community between Fort Worth, Texas and Dallas.
The first time I led Friday night services I tried very hard to fit in. Maybe too hard.
With my wife sitting in the first row, I began: "I never saw a cow until I met my wife..."
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The difference between a porcupine and a BMW is a porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
.....and lastly a warning...
 
BE WARNED...
There's another DVD scam on the go.
The Tiger Woods DVD 'My Favourite 18 Holes' is actually about golf.
.....bloody waste of money...
 






ooroo

Bad typists of the word, untie.

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