[BITList] Glasgow jokes.....

[John Feltham]

If'n you don't geddit - tell it out aloud...



What do you call a dwarf who falls into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man

Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow ?
They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find  
his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.

A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
'Doctor , Doctor! He cries , 'you've got to help me, I feel like I'm  
turning into a coconut'
Says the doctor, 'You're bountae '

What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.

There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays?
The Wan wi a wee calf.

The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
'Fur ma roon shooders'

Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow  
Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler

A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,  
waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the  
baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if  
the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
'Breast fed,' she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a  
while
In a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is under
Weight. You don't have any milk !'
I know,' she said, 'ah'm only his Granny, but noo I'm glad I came son!'

A wee woman from Glasgow 's west-end was staying in a hotel in  
Edinburgh.
She phoned room service for some pepper.
'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.
'Toilet pepper!' yelled the woman



ooroo

Bad typists of the word, untie.