[BITList] Disastrous movies

[Michael Feltham]

Hugh,

My first ship as 3rd.Mate, in 1953 was the Mulbera.  Steam used to  
come out of the Engine Room Vents !  My first and only ship like that.  
10.5 knots around the UK coast.  The vents at the side of the   
passenger deck were covered in canvas with numerous coats of paint,  
covering the holes, probably as strong as the original steel vents.   
After all she was built in the early Twenties.

Mike
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On 11 Aug 2009, at 19:50, HUGH wrote:

On another site in a previous existence there was a discussion of the  
above subject, featuring such gems as The Poseidon Adventure and  
Doctor At Sea (though the latter was funny).  On UK Channel 5  
yesterday afternoon there was a film that beat the rest hollow -  
Brittanic.  I only caught the second half of this, but I have no  
reason to think the first half was any better.

World War 1 - a British hospital ship carrying children, with  
munitions stashed away as contraband.  A lady intelligence agent is  
aboard sussing out trouble, and the padre is a German agent.  The crew  
all wear dirty whites - some naval type and some not, but all dirty -  
and many carry rifles as accessories.  The Captain has a beard, as is  
usual.  The ER is almost in darkness and full of steam, which matters  
little since there are no engineers aboard, this despite it having 4  
funnels and being the biggest ship afloat and unsinkable.  For the  
latter we are indebted to an officer who uttered the words as a way of  
reassuring a lady (dressed in the height of fashion and still wearing  
a large hat full of feathers and fruit) while a torpedo was making its  
way towards them.  The torpedo missed, but its companion was not going  
to miss.  The chap grabbed a handy lewis gun and blasted the torpedo,  
causing it to make a feeble fountain of water in the poor special  
effect that followed.  At one point the baddie was opening all the  
watertight doors (opening the bulkheads, according to the script)  
prior to exploding a bomb he'd rattled together in a few seconds from  
a bottle of ether. Seeing all the indicator lights going off on the  
bridge, the CO called the Captain.  "Chief Engineer to the bridge  
immediately !" shouted the Captain, forgetfully. No Chief ever  
appeared. Throughout the film, at least the second half, the ship  
sailed through waters like a millpond, as could be seen by shots of  
the bow cleaving through, and the total absence of any sign of  
movement within.  Also, there were countless lighted portholes filling  
every available space, bow to stern.  When she was sinking (she turned  
out not to be unsinkable), she was down by the head, and her twin  
props were gamely birling round, slicing up boats.  One assumes the  
lack of engineers caused the engines not to have been switched off, or  
whatever it is that engineers do to engines in such circumstances.   
It's a great film - as Sam Goldwyn once said, don't miss it if you can.

Hugh.


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