[BITList] Disastrous movies

[HUGH]

On another site in a previous existence there was a discussion of the above subject, featuring such gems as The Poseidon Adventure and Doctor At Sea (though the latter was funny).  On UK Channel 5 yesterday afternoon there was a film that beat the rest hollow - Brittanic.  I only caught the second half of this, but I have no reason to think the first half was any better.

World War 1 - a British hospital ship carrying children, with munitions stashed away as contraband.  A lady intelligence agent is aboard sussing out trouble, and the padre is a German agent.  The crew all wear dirty whites - some naval type and some not, but all dirty - and many carry rifles as accessories.  The Captain has a beard, as is usual.  The ER is almost in darkness and full of steam, which matters little since there are no engineers aboard, this despite it having 4 funnels and being the biggest ship afloat and unsinkable.  For the latter we are indebted to an officer who uttered the words as a way of reassuring a lady (dressed in the height of fashion and still wearing a large hat full of feathers and fruit) while a torpedo was making its way towards them.  The torpedo missed, but its companion was not going to miss.  The chap grabbed a handy lewis gun and blasted the torpedo, causing it to make a feeble fountain of water in the poor special effect that followed.  At one point the baddie was opening all the watertight doors (opening the bulkheads, according to the script) prior to exploding a bomb he'd rattled together in a few seconds from a bottle of ether. Seeing all the indicator lights going off on the bridge, the CO called the Captain.  "Chief Engineer to the bridge immediately !" shouted the Captain, forgetfully. No Chief ever appeared. Throughout the film, at least the second half, the ship sailed through waters like a millpond, as could be seen by shots of the bow cleaving through, and the total absence of any sign of movement within.  Also, there were countless lighted portholes filling every available space, bow to stern.  When she was sinking (she turned out not to be unsinkable), she was down by the head, and her twin props were gamely birling round, slicing up boats.  One assumes the lack of engineers caused the engines not to have been switched off, or whatever it is that engineers do to engines in such circumstances.  It's a great film - as Sam Goldwyn once said, don't miss it if you can.

Hugh.

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