[BITList] couple of jokes

[fs]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to
process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God, with no
actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. 
The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the 
money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and 
I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I 
have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my
only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds.


By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put 
into an envelope and sent to the old lady. For the rest of the day, all 
the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would 
be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the 
same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter 
was opened.

It read:


Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your 
gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had 
a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it might have been those 
bastards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna


A doctor in Dublin wanted to get  off work and go fishing, so he 
approached his  assistant

"Murphy, I am going fishing  tomorrow and don't want to close the 
clinic. I want you to  take care of the clinic and take care of all me 
 patients".

"Yes, sir!" answers  Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and  returns the following day and asks: 
"So,Murphy, how was  your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care  of three patients. "The first one had 
a headache so he did,  so I gave him Paracetamol."
   
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second  one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had indigestion  and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" 
says  Murphy.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this  and what about the third one?" asks 
the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and  suddenly the door flies open and a young 
gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she 
tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her 
panties and lies down on the table, spreading  her legs and shouts: 
'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick!  For five years I have not seen any 
 man!'"

"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what  did you do?" asks the  doctor.

"I put drops in her  eyes."

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