<html><head><base href="x-msg://284/"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><br><div><br><div>Begin forwarded message:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>From: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">"Don Crellin"&nbsp;<br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>Date: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">16 March 2010 17:55:28 GMT<br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>To: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;">&lt;Undisclosed-Recipient:;&gt;<br></span></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium; color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 1);"><b>Subject: </b></span><span style="font-family:'Helvetica'; font-size:medium;"><b>Fw: The 5 Best Smart Arsed Answers of 2009</b><br></span></div><br><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; font-family: Arial; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 0px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; "><div id="MailContainerBody" lang="EN-US" leftmargin="0" link="blue" topmargin="0" bgcolor="white" vlink="blue" name="Compose message area" canvastabstop="true"><div><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></font></div><div class="Section1"><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12pt; ">&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></font></div><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></font></div><div><p style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><i><font color="#8000ff" size="2" face="Comic Sans MS"><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; color: rgb(128, 0, 255); font-size: 10pt; "><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></font></i></p></div><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></font></div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 697px; "><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="99%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 691px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; ">&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></font></div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 691px; "><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 685px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 685px; "><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 679px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12pt; ">&nbsp;</span></font><o:p></o:p></div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 679px; "><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 673px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 673px; "><tbody><tr><td width="100%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 667px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12pt; "><br></span></font><b><u><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold; ">THE &nbsp;5 &nbsp;BEST SMART ARSED ANSWERS OF 2009</span></font></u></b><b><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font></b><b><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold; "><br><br>SMART ARSED ANSWER 5</span></font></b><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>It was &nbsp;mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: &nbsp;<br>"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the &nbsp;man seated<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br>in the front row.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>"What are my &nbsp;choices?" the man asked.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>"Yes or no," she &nbsp;replied.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><b><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold; "><br><br>SMART ARSED ANSWER &nbsp;4</span></font></b><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a &nbsp;branch of</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find &nbsp;one big enough for her family..</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>She asked a passing &nbsp;assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><br><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; ">The &nbsp;assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead." &nbsp;<b><span style="font-weight: bold; "><br><br>SMART ARSED ANSWER 3</span></b></span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>The policeman got &nbsp;out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br>speeding, &nbsp;rolled down his window.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>"I've been waiting for you &nbsp;all day," the bobby said.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>The kid replied, "Well I &nbsp;got here as fast as I could."</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>When the policeman finally &nbsp;stopped laughing, he sent the kid on</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>his way without a &nbsp;ticket.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><b><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold; "><br><br>SMART ARSED ANSWER &nbsp;2</span></font></b><b><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font></b><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>A lorry driver was driving along on a &nbsp;country road. A sign came<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br>up that read " Low Bridge &nbsp;Ahead."</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>Before he realised it, the bridge was &nbsp;directly ahead and he got<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br>stuck under it..</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>Cars &nbsp;were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived. &nbsp;The</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>policeman got out of his car and walked to the &nbsp;lorry's cab and</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>said to the driver, "Got stuck, &nbsp;eh?"</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br><br>The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering &nbsp;this bridge and ran</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>out of &nbsp;diesel!"</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><b><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; font-weight: bold; "><br><br>SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR &nbsp;2009</span></font></b><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>A teacher at a polytechnic college &nbsp;reminded her pupils of</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>tomorrow's final &nbsp;exam.</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for &nbsp;you not being</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>here tomorrow. I might consider a &nbsp;nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>illness, or a death in your immediate family, but &nbsp;that's it, no other</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>excuses whatsoever!"</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>A smart-arsed chappie at the back of &nbsp;the room raised his hand and</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>asked ,"What would happen &nbsp;if I came in tomorrow suffering from</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>complete and utter &nbsp;sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced &nbsp;to</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; "><br>laughter</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; ">and sniggering.<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span></span></font><br><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; ">&nbsp;</span></font><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br><font size="4" face="Tahoma"><span style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13.5pt; ">When silence &nbsp;was restored, the teacher smiled<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br>at the student, shook her &nbsp;head and sweetly said, "Well, I<span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span><br>would expect you to write &nbsp;the exam with your other hand."</span></font><font size="5" face="Arial"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; "><span class="Apple-converted-space">&nbsp;</span>&nbsp;</span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; "><br>&nbsp;</span></font><o:p></o:p></div></td></tr><tr><td style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" style="width: 667px; "><tbody><tr><td width="50%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 329px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12pt; ">&nbsp;</span></font><o:p></o:p></div></td><td width="50%" style="padding-bottom: 0.75pt; padding-left: 0.75pt; width: 328px; padding-right: 0.75pt; padding-top: 0.75pt; "><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12pt; ">&nbsp;</span></font><o:p></o:p></div></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p></o:p></span></font></div></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; "><br>&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></font></div></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p></o:p></span></font></div></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; "><br></span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-family: Verdana; ">&nbsp;</span></font><o:p></o:p></div></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p></o:p></span></font></div></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 12pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12pt; "><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></span></font></p><div><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font size="3" face="Times New Roman"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12pt; ">&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></font></div></div><div style="margin-right: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-top: 0cm; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><font class="Apple-style-span" face="'Times New Roman'" size="4"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><br></span></font></span></font></div></div></div></span></div></body></html>