[BITList] A Laugh or Two or Three....

[michael J Feltham]

> 
> 
> Quite a few that I haven’t heard before1
> 
> :-)
> 
> ooroo
> 
> 
> 
>  
>  
> 
> "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks.
> "Not really," says Mary.
> "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.
> "No," she responds.
> 
> "Would some beautiful new jewelry do the trick?" he asks, 
> becoming slightly exasperated.
> "Nah..." she shrugs.
> 
> "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he persists.
> She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."
> 
> "Well what WOULD you like?" John asks.
> "I want a divorce." answers Mary.
> 
> Sorry," John sighed. 
> "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------
> 
> "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" I asked my friend.
> 
> "He wants to be a garbage man," he replied.
> 
> "That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age."
> 
> "Not really. He thinks that garbage men only 
> work on Tuesdays."
> ​ ​
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------
> 
> Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
> 
> His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
> 
> He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
> •       My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
> •       My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
> •       My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
> •       "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
> 
> The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realise his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, 
> "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
> 
> Sarah replies, "Property ? ..... he had a paper round.
> 
> ----------------------------------------
> 
> "Will the father be present during the birth?" the obstetrician asked solicitously.
> 
> "Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."
> 
> ----------------------------------------
> 
> Father: "Son, you were adopted."
> 
> Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
> 
> Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
> 
> ----------------------------------------
> 
> A grasshopper hops into a bar and jumps up on a barstool.
> 
> The bartender looks at him, starts laughing and says, 
> "Hey! We got a drink named after you!"
> 
> The grasshopper gives the bartender a dirty look and says, 
> "You got a drink named Terry?"
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------
> 
> I was knocked down by a cyclist as I crossed the road. 
> He looked down at me and said “you’re lucky”.   
> I said “what do you mean, I’m lucky?”  
> He replied “I usually drive a bus”
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------
> 
> There are 3 kinds of men in this world.  
> Some remain single and make wonders happen.  
> Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.  
> The rest get married and wonder what happened!
> ——————————————————————————
> 
> 
> ooroo
> 

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