[BITList] Fwd: Increasingly desperate attempts at levity in a cruel and hostile world

[Michael Feltham]

Begin forwarded message:

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> Subject: FW: Increasingly desperate attempts at levity in a cruel and hostile world
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> Subject: FW: Increasingly desperate attempts at levity in a cruel and hostile world
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> I've got a friend who's obsessed with completing his Beatles collection.
> He needs Help.
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> This year I’m going to go to the RNLI Christmas party. 
> I’ve heard they really push the boat out.
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> My old maths teacher was easily distracted. 
> One minute he'd be talking about trigonometry, the next he'd be off on a different tangent.
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> I saw a headline in the paper the other day: "Three Cliff Walkers Fall To Their Death".
> Wow, what were the chances of them all having the same name?
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> I met the bloke who invented the crossword last week.
> What was his name?
> P something T something something.
> Oh that's Peter, he used to live 2 down from me.
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> I've recently developed an irrational fear of elevators.
> I'm now taking steps to avoid them.
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> I went to the video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever. 
> They said "Sorry no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow."
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> How can you tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
> One of them is an elephant.
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> My wife texted 'Love you babe xxxx'
> I replied 'Love you too babe'
> She wrote 'It would mean a lot to me if you started putting a few x's at the end of your text darling. xxxx'
> I answered 'OK babe. Hannah, Julie, Chrissie, Sue, Carly, Françoise, Natasha.'
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> I've just read in the newspaper that by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.
> How the hell are we supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?
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> I quit my job and started a dating website for chickens. 
> I might have to think again, as I’m struggling to make hens meet.
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> I found out that all four of my sons want to be hotel car valets when they grow up.
> My doctor said it's the worst case of parking sons disease he's ever come across.
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> I like telling jokes about bread. 
> Some would say I have a rye sense of humour.
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> Archeologists have found the ruins of an indigestion tablet factory dating back to 50 AD.
> It was built by early settlers.
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> Not many people know that Phil Spector's nephew Crispin works in the quality control department at Walkers.
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> An invisible man married an invisible woman.
> Their kids were nothing to look at.
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> I bought some lion repellent yeterday.
> Seems to be working so far.
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> The biblical character Samson was known for his toughness, but his father Samsonite was a real hard case.
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> A man has reportedly been stabbing people with a knitting needle. 
> Police believe he is following a pattern.
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> I'm feeling a bit upset. My friend told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. 
> It was a very hurtful thing to say and has completely ruined our bath.
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> Just had a man knock on the door, asking me to sign the organ donor register. 
> I thought "now there's a man after my own heart."
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> Finally, don't forget that today is International Marshmallow Awareness Day.
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> 	Virus-free. www.avast.com
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