[BITList] FOUR FOR YOU THIS TIME

[michael J Feltham]

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> 
> G'day Folks,
> 
> 
> Well, make it five - I added one more!
> 
> ooroo
> 
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> RUNNING NUDE
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>  
> A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
> One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
> she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Good grief - Hurry,
> Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early,"     
>        
> 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there.' 
>  
> 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got
> a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems.'
> 
> So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
> window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
> discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon,
> so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
>  
> Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in
> as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had
> been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always
> run in the nude?' one asked.
>  
> 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' 
> Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your
> clothes with you under your arm?' 
> 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
> dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home.' 
>  
> Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked,
>  
> 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
>  
> ‘No, only when it's raining!''
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> BREAKFAST ORDER 
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> An old man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit, came to his table and asked if he  was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?" 
>  
> He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers,    "A quickie. "The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
>  
> After she regains her composure, she returns and asks again. "What would you like, sir?"  Again the old man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "a quickie, please.”  This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him  across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
>  
> A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced  'quiche'."
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> AUSSIE HUMOUR 
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>   
> Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.
> 
> They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.
> 
> She says to them: “Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen."
> 
> After they show her their ankles, the Queen says: “It is also important that you don’t have knobby knees, so I need to see your knees too.”
> 
> Once she has seen their knees, she says: “Now everything appears to be in shape, so I just need to see your testimonials.”
> 
> Nine years later, when the pair are finally released from prison, one of the blokes says to the other, “I reckon if we just had a bit more education we would have got that job!”
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>  
>  
> ABORIGINAL TRACKER 
> 
> An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.
> On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines to track man or beast over land, through the air and under the sea.
> 
> The Americans were incredulous.
>  
> Later in the day, as the group rounded a bend on the highway they discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.. . 
> He had one ear pressed to the white line, whilst his left leg was held high in the air !
> The bus stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine .. .
>  
> "Hey Jacky,"   said the tour guide,  "what are you tracking and what are you listening for?”
> 
> The aborigine replied,
> 
> "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute... It's a red one… the left front tyre is bald...
> The front end is out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel...
> There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry.
> There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 4 dogs on the front seat."
> 
> The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
> 
> "God Lord man,  how do you know all that?,"   asked one.
> 
> The Aborigine replied:.. .    ‘ I  fell out of the fucken thing about half an hour ago!"
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> 
> Having lived in Papua New Guinea for over 5 years, I recall a question that they used to ask there.
> 
> The question always stumped newly-arrived Ex-Patriates.
> 
> The question?
> 
> “How many locals can you get in the back of a ute?”
> 
> Answer:
> 
> Just one more.
> 
> ———————————————————————————————
> 
> ooroo
> 
> 

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