[BITList] A little humor for the New Year!

[FA]

>>             "The End of Maxine"
>>             Description: cid:1.1947799207 at web184904.mail.gq1.yahoo.com
>>             As we progress into 2018, I want to thank you for
>>             your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
>>             totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
>>             *
>>             *I can no longer open a bathroom door **without using
>>             a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
>>             my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
>>             the lemon peel.
>>             *
>>             *I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread **because I can
>>             only imagine what has happened on it since it was last
>>             washed.
>>             *
>>             *I have trouble shaking hands **with someone who has been
>>             driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
>>             is picking one's nose.
>>             *
>>             *Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because** I
>>             can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
>>             consumed over the years.
>>             *
>>             *I can't touch any woman's handbag **for fear she has placed
>>             it on the floor of a public toilet.
>>             *
>>             *I must send my special thanks **for the email about rat poo
>>             in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
>>             sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
>>             *
>>             *ALSO,** now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
>>             the same reason.
>>             *
>>             *I can't have a drink in a bar **because I fear I'll wake up
>>             in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
>>             *
>>             *I can't eat at KFC **because their chickens are actually
>>             horrible
>>             mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
>>             *
>>             *I can't use cancer-causing deodorants **even though I smell
>>             like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>>             *
>>             *Thanks to you **I have learned that my prayers only get
>>             answered
>>             if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
>>             within five minutes.
>>             *
>>             *Because of your concern,** I no longer drink Coca Cola
>>             because
>>             it can remove toilet stains.
>>             *
>>             *I no longer buy **fuel without taking someone along to
>>             watch the car,
>>                so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when
>>             I'm filling up.
>>             *
>>             *I no longer use Cling Wrap **in the microwave because it
>>             causes
>>             seven different types of cancer.
>>             *
>>             *And thanks for letting me know **I can't boil a cup of
>>             water
>>             in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
>>             disfiguring me for life.
>>             *
>>             *I no longer go to the cinema **because I could be
>>             pricked with a
>>             needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
>>             *
>>             *I no longer go to shopping centers **because someone
>>             will drug
>>             me with a perfume sample and rob me..
>>             *I no longer answer the phone because *someone will ask
>>             me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone
>>             bill with
>>             calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..
>>             *
>>             *Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
>>             because a*
>>             *big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me
>>             instant death when it bites my butt.
>>             *And thanks to your great advice *I can't ever pick up a
>>             dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably
>>             placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I
>>             bend over.
>>             *I can't do any gardening *because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
>>             by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
>>             *
>>             *P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because *
>>             *I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out*
>>             *of the toilet..**
>>             *NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD NEW YEAR!*
>>
>> ***Caution: This message may contain attachments that could 
>> potentially contain malicious content. Only open the attachments if 
>> you trust the sender.***

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