[BITList] Fwd: Pickin' on the Newfies !!!

[michael J Feltham]

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> Apologies to the Newfoundland folks for the following!
> 
>         Two Newfies were going to Disneyland
>> They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. 
>> 
>> They turned around and went home.
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>>   
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>> FLORIDA OR MOON
>> 
>> Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other, “Which do you think is farther 
>> 
>> away ...  Florida   or the moon?” 
>> 
>> The other replies, “Jeez bye that's easy.  Can you see Florida?”
>> 
>>   CAR TROUBL
>> 
>>   A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station.  He tells the mechanic it died.
>> 
>>   After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
>> 
>>   The Newfie says, “What's the story?”
>>   The mechanic replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
>> 
>>   The Newfie asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
>> 
>>     
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>> SPEEDING TICKET
>> 
>>    A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks to see his license.
>> 
>>   The Newfie replies in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just yesterday 
>> 
>> you take away my license and then today you expect me  to show it to you?”
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>>   
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>> THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
>> 
>>   A Newfie goes into the doctor's office and says that his body hurts wherever he touches it.
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>>   “Impossible!” says the doctor.  “Show me.”
>> 
>>   The Newfie takes his finger, pushes on his left shoulder and screams. Then he pushes his elbow and screams even more.  He pushes his knee and screams; then he pushes his ankle and screams.
>>  Everywhere he touches makes him scream.
>> 
>> The doctor says, “You're not from Ontario are you?” 
>> 
>> No  he  said, “I'm actually from Newfoundland. ”
>> 
>> “I thought so.” the doctor says: “Your finger is broken.”
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>>   
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>> IN A VACUUM  
>> 
>> A newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was his turn.
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>>   He rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature.
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>>   His question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
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>>   He thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
>> 
>>   
>> 
>> FINALLY,   THE NEWFIE JOKE TO END A LL NEWFIE JOKES!
>> 
>>    A guy was visiting his Newfie friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked what their names were. 
>> 
>>   The Newfie replied that one was named Rolex and the other Timex.
>> 
>>   His friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
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>>   “Dats easy” answered the Newfie: “They're watch dogs.”
>> 
>>   
>> 
>> I’d Like To Add Another Newfie Joke
>> 
>>   A policeman in Ontario pulls over a Newfie for speeding.  While he’s writing out the ticket 
>> 
>> a fly’s bothering the Cop.  The Newfie says. 
>> 
>> “That’s a circle fly, sir.”
>> 
>>   The policeman asks, “What’s a circle fly?”
>> 
>>   The  Newfie  says, “Them are the flies you find in the barn around a horse’s ass.”
>> 
>>   The policeman says, “Are you calling me a horse’s ass?”
>> 
>>   Oh no sir”, says the Newfie, “I would never say a thing like that: but you can't fool them flies, sir.”
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