[BITList] Smiles for the Silly Season

Wed Dec 26 13:26:26 GMT 2018

G'day Folks,

 For the newcomers to Moonrakers.….

The Silly Season lasts until 12th Night.

Don’t know what 12th Night is?

Check with Mr Google, he knows nearly everything!

ooroo

*******************************************************************************

Smart vs Stupid
Is there a difference in a smart person and a stupid person?
No………. both think they know everything.
==============

If a shepherd takes care of sheep, shouldn't a coward take care of cows?
============
Today's Clean Pun:   Be Careful…..
Two mountaineers reached a huge, deep fissure in a glacier.
"Careful here," says one of them. "My mountain guide fell down there last year."
"I bet you felt bad about that," says the other.
He quipped, "Not really, it was pretty old and missing a few pages."
===============

It does not always pay to pray. In Caribou County, British Columbia, a man was accused of setting a forest fire. Left alone in a room at the police station, he fell to his knees and prayed, "Oh God, please let me get away with it." The prayer was picked up by a closed circuit television camera. It was ultimately admitted into evidence and used against him

==========

….does this pic qualify as a pun ?...

=============
My wife has these days when she wants us to "talk about things."

On one of these occasions we were discussing our future so I asked her, "What would you do if I die before you do?"

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with two or three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then she asked me, "What will you do if I die first?"

I replied, "Probably the same thing."
=========

It's strange to think 75 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars…..today everyone has a car and only the rich own horses.
=========

=========
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."

"That's what you think", the man laughed. I'm the father of THREE children."

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"
==========

A key ring is a handy little device that was invented so you could lose ALL your keys at once!
============

============
I have worked for many years with the hearing impaired and on a visit to the library, I happened to notice a man and a woman, both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently in a heated debate.

The man said something, and the woman seemed upset. She started signing her reply very fast, to the point where the man couldn't understand a word. That was when she started signing in big, wide gestures.

Finally, looking strained, her companion took her hands, "silencing" her.

Then he signed, very small and slowly, "You don't have to shout, I'm not blind."
==============

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, Sarah decided she had been stood up.

Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and hot chocolate, and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV when the doorbell rang. Her dad went to the door, and there stood her date.

He took one look at Sarah on the couch and gasped. "I'm two hours late and she's still not ready?"

===========

==============
RANDOM TIDBITS

Georgia O'Keefe's flower paintings have fascinated many people, but the fuss over them annoyed the artist. She once told art critic Emily Genauer: "I hate flowers - I paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move."
===========
You know what really makes me smile?
Facial muscles.
----

Hair ….. one of those things that grows on you.
===========

My husband was going on a diet, but when we pulled into a fast-food restaurant, he ordered a milkshake. I pointed out that a shake isn't exactly the best snack for someone who wants to lose weight. He agreed, but he didn't change his order.

The long line must have given him time to make the connection between his order and his waistline. As the woman handed him his shake, she said, "Sorry about the wait."

"That's okay," he replied. "I'm going to lose it."
============

….btw, did you know that…..

The military salute  is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

…..started with phones…..will end with phones…..

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0001.html>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image002.jpg
Type: image/jpeg
Size: 9429 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0006.jpg>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image007.jpg
Type: image/jpeg
Size: 26818 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0007.jpg>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image010.jpg
Type: image/jpeg
Size: 18290 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0008.jpg>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image013.jpg
Type: image/jpeg
Size: 18643 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0009.jpg>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image016.jpg
Type: image/jpeg
Size: 35822 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0010.jpg>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: image017.jpg
Type: image/jpeg
Size: 64310 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20181226/1f24836b/attachment-0011.jpg>