[BITList] Control tower repartee...BRILLIANT

[FA]

>
>
>      Delta  351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6  miles!"
>     Delta 351: "Give  us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>
>
>     A  Cessna inbound at the reporting point over ManlyBeach.
>
>     Tower (Female voice): "Cessna WYXD, congestion at airport 
> approach. I知
> going to have to hold you over the Manly area."
>     Cessna WYXD: "I love it when you talk dirty to me."
>
>
>
>     Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
>     TWA  2341: "Centre,  we are at 35,000 feet.. How much noise can we 
> make
> up  here?"
>     Tower:"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it  hits a
> 727?"
>
>
>
>
>
>     From  an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff  queue: "I'm
> f...ing bored!"
>     Ground Traffic Control:"Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
> immediately!"
>     Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>
>
>
>
>
>     O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United  329 heavy, your traffic 
> is a
> Fokker, one o'clock,  three miles, Eastbound."
>     United 329:"Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the
> little Fokker in sight."
>
>
>
>
>     A  student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
> attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last
> known position?"
>     Student: "When  I was number one for takeoff."
>
>
>
>
>
>     A  DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an  exceedingly 
> long roll
> out after touching down.
>     San  Jose Tower Noted: "American  751, make a hard right turn at 
> the end
> of the  runway, if you are able.. If you are not able, take  the Guadalupe
> exit off Highway 101, make a right at  the lights and return to the
> airport."
>
>
>
>
>
>     A  Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in   Munich ,
> overheard the following:
>
>     Lufthansa (in  German): "Ground,  what is our start clearance time?"
>     Ground  (in English):"If you want an answer you must speak in
> English."
>     Lufthansa (in English):"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
> Germany .  Why must I speak English?"
>       Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British
> accent):"Because  you lost the bloody  war!"
>
>
>
>
>
>     Tower: "Eastern  702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> frequency 124..7"
>     Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
> way,after  we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the  far 
> end of
> the  runway."
>     Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
> contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that  report from
> Eastern  702?"
>     Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
> yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
>
>
>
>
>
>     One  day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
> short of the active runway while a  DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled
> out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
> comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the  radio and said, "What  a cute little
> plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
>     The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by,  came back with
> a real zinger: "I  made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like  yours
> and I'll have enough parts for another  one."
>
>
>
>
>
>     The  German air controllers at FrankfurtAirport are  renowned as a
> short-tempered lot. They not only  expect one to know one's gate parking
> location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.  So 
> it was
> with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)  listened to the following
> exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
> sign  Speedbird 206.
>       Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active
> runway."
>     Ground: "Speedbird  206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
>     The  BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>
> Ground:"Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>     Speedbird 206: "Stand  by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
> now."
>     Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):"Speedbird 206, have you not
> been to Frankfurt before?"
>     Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes,  twice in 1944, but it was dark --  and
> I didn't  land."
>
>
>
>
>
>     While taxiing at London 's Airport,  the crew of a US Air flight
> departing for Ft.  Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with
> a United 727..
>     An  irate female ground controller lashed out at the US  Air crew,
> screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you  to turn
> right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right  on Delta! Stop right 
> there. I
> know it's difficult  for you to tell the difference between C and D, but
> get it right!"
>     Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now  shouting
> hysterically:"God!  Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take 
> forever  to
> sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
> can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want
> you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you,  and how I tell you!
> You got that, US Air  2771?"
>
>     "Yes, ma'am,"  the humbled crew responded.
>
>     Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
> silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.. Nobody wanted to chance
> engaging the irate  ground controller in her current state of mind. 
> Tension
> in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then
> an unknown pilot  broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
>
>     "Wasn't  I married to you once?"
>

	

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