[BITList] Three shockers!

[John Feltham]

This came from a U.S. soldier's wife.  It says it all: 

"I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short months ago.

At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Donald Trump took his Oath of Office.

However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Soldiers, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President.

It was then that I realised how far America's military had deteriorated.

Every one of them missed the bastard .."




Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen.

"Your Queenship, he asked her. I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?

Well," replied Her Majesty, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned.

"But how do you know the people around you are really intelligent?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy the Queen replied. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.

She pushed a button on her intercom. Please send Theresa May in here."

The Prime Minister walked into the room.

You called for me, Your Majesty?"

"Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. the Queen said. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?

Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, That would be me."

"Yes! Very good, said the Queen.

Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him.

Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office

Mike, answer this for me, said the Don. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?

"I'm not sure," said Pence. Let me get back to you on that one.

Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.

The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her much to her surprise.

Hillary, I know we havent always seen eye to eye but I would really appreciate it if you could answer this riddle for me

Sure, Mike Hillary said. Im not one to hold a grudge. What is it?

Thanks, said Pence, Its this. Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?

Hillary answered right back, That's easy, it's me!"

Pence smiled, Thanks!"

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, boss, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. Its Hillary Clinton.

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled at him. "No, you idiot! Its Theresa May!"

... AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.



Kevin's shingles.

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.'So she wrote down his name, address, NHS number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's assistant came out and asked Kevin what he had....
Kevin said, 'Shingles.'So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. 
Kevin said, 'Shingles.'So the nurse gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test and an electrocardiogram. She told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. 
Half an hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked him what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?’ 


ooroo