[BITList] Darwin Awards

[FA]

*THE 2016 DARWIN AWARDS*
*You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further 
ado, here are the 2016 Darwin Awards:*
*Eighth Place*
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water 
after squeezinghishead first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to 
retrieve his car keys.
*Seventh Place*
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker who "totally zoned when he ran", 
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
*Sixth Place*
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection 
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when 
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach 
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach 
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free 
him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
*Fifth Place*
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a 
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long 
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into 
the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
*Fourth Place*
Sylvester Briddell Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who 
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth 
and pull the trigger.
*Third Place*
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front 
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the 
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was 
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber 
announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers 
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the 
scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended 
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot 
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one 
else was hurt.
*HONORABLE MENTION*
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 
2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to 
see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window 
was closed.
*RUNNER UP*
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them 
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the 
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 
men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at 
the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a 
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and 
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one 
end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall 
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the 
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was 
rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
*AND THE WINNER IS....*
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated 
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, 
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. 
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the 
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The 
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt 
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant 
continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be 
just one of those freak accidents that proves...'*Shit happens*'
*IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES 
FROM THE GENE POOL.*


	

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