[BITList] Funny sayings by Steven Wright

[FA]

                *If you're not familiar the work of Steven Wright, he's
                the famous erudite (comic)/scientist who once said:*

                *"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been
                stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."*

                *His mind sees things differently than most of us. Here
                are some of his gems.*

                *1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.*

                *2 - Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it
                back.*

                *3 - Half the people you know are below average.*

                *4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.*

                *5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.*

                *6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other
                parts feel so good.*

                *7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
                memory.*

                *8 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up
                with the rain.*

                *9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesics, raise my
                hand.*

                *10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second
                mouse gets the cheese.*

                *11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend ... but she left
                me before we met.*

                *12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?*

                *13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?*

                *14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have
                obviously overlooked something.*

                *15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.*

                *16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the
                wrong lane.*

                *17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough
                sense to be lazy.*

                *18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays
                off now.*

                *19 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.*

                *20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
                her friends?*

                *21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into
                jet engines.*

                *22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?*

                *23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your
                brakes, so I made your horn louder." *

                *24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?*

                *25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
                evidence that you tried.*

                *26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
                thinking.*

                *27 - Experience is something you don't get until just
                after you need it.*

                *28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the
                softness of the bread.*

                *29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to
                steal from many is research.*

                *30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
                lifeguard.*

                *31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll
                have to catch up.*

                *32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body
                is required to be on it.*

                *33 - Everyone has a photographic memory;  some just
                don't have film. *

                *34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not
                for you.*

                *And the all-time favourite:*

                *35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light,
                would your headlights work?*


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