[BITList] Things I wish I had said

[FA]

> ZEN TEACHINGS
> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
> Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
> Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
> In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
>
> 2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
>
> 3. No one is listening until you fart.
>
> 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
>
> 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a
> couple of mortgage payments.
>
> 7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
> That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
> shoes.
>
> 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
>
> 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
> Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
>
> 10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
> it was probably well worth it.
>
> 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
>
> 12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
>
> 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
>
> 14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes 
> from bad
> judgment.
>
> 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
> 16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one
> works.
>
> 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are 
> moving.
>
> 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
>
> 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our asses -
> then things just keep getting worse.
>
> 20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative 
> on the
> same night.