[BITList] More Tommy Coopper quickies

[FA]

    *1.***Two blondes walk into a building ........you'd think at least
    one of them would have seen it.
    *
    2*. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy
    marijuana, press the hash key...'
    *
    3*. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
    shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
    *
    4*. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I
    couldn't find any.

    *
    5*. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
    him in.
    *
    6.*A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
    shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
    The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
    *
    7*. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
    *
    **8*. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire
    in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
    your kayak and heat it.
    *
    9.*Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
    with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
    *
    10*. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
    Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
    *
    11*. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
    'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
    'Is it common?'
    'It's not unusual.'
    *
    12.*A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed,
    is there anything you can do for him?'
    'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his
    teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What?
    Because he's cross-eyed?'
    'No, because he's really heavy'

    *13*. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball
    stuck up my bottom.'
    'How's that?'
    'Don't you start.'

    *
    14*. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
    *
    15*. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can
    you give me a lift?'
    I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'
    *
    16.*Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
    people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
    or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother
    Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
    *
    17.*Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
    other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'
    *
    18*. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
    acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let
    the other one off.
    *
    19.*'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
    today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking
    Fine.' So that was nice.'

    *20*. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
    several places'
    The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more'
    *
    **21.*Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
    a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish
    search and rescue workers have recovered***2826*bodies so far and
    expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.


    	



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