[BITList] Fwd: The Cat got your what?!? THIS IS PAINFULLY FUNNY!!!

[John Feltham]

Good ones keep coming around…

ooroo






> 
> 
> Your morning laugh.
> Enjoy! this is hysterical.
> 
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> Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!
> 
> 
> We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
> 
> Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
> 
> On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
> Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then one morning, I was having my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
> 
> "Darling! The waste disposal is dead again. Please come and reset it."
> 
> "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
> 
> "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
> 
> There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
> 
> So out I came, dripping wet and stark naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.
> 
> Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. 
> It is the last action I remember performing.
> 
> It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
> No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
> It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.
> She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink.
> And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
> she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
> I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,
> with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
> 
> Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. 
> Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. 
> I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
> The impact knocked me out cold.
> 
> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
> 
> Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself,
> lying on the kitchen floor stark naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. 
> Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife,
> the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work,
> 
> all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
> 
> Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office,
> where colleagues tried to coax an explanation from me about my head injury.
> I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
> 
> 
> "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
> If they only knew!
> 
> Hope your week is better than his!
> 
> Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
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