[BITList] Squirrel and the Grasshopper - 2 Versions
FA
franka at iinet.net.au
Mon Feb 23 22:53:23 GMT 2015
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*The Squirrel and the Grasshopper*
*REST OF THE WORLD VERSION*
The squirrel works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building and improving
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or
shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
*THE END*
**
*NOW THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION*
The squirrel works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering
grasshopper, calls a press conference and
demands to know why the squirrel should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others
less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving.
The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of
the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a
video of the squirrel in his comfortable
warm home with a table laden with food.
The Australian press informs people that
they should be ashamed that in a country of
such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, The Greens, Animal Rights
and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of
Australia demonstrate in front of the
squirrel's house.
The ABC, interrupting an cultural festival
special from St Kilda with breaking news,
broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing
'We Shall Overcome'.
Bill Shorten rants in an interview with
Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off
the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make
him pay his 'fair share' and increases the
charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city
centre.
In response to pressure from the media, the
Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act,
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
He is taken to court and fined for failing
to hire grasshoppers as builders,for the
work he was doing on his home, and an
additional fine for contempt when he told
the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a Housing
Commission house, financial aid to furnish
it and an account with a local taxi firm to
ensure he can be socially mobile. The
squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed
to the more needy members of society - in
this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to
pay the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to
downsize and start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home
and utilises it as a temporary home for
asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane
to get to Australia as they had to share
their country of origin with mice.
On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
because of Australians' apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the
international offence of hijacking and
attempted bombing but were immediately
released because the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to make them return to their
own country were abandoned because it was
feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain
money from people's credit cards.
A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper
finishing up the last of the squirrel's
food, though spring is still months away,
while the Housing Commission house he is in,
crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be
taking drugs.
Inadequate government funding is blamed for
the grasshopper's drug 'Illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the Australian
courts for their treatment since arrival in
Australia.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing
an old dog during a burglary to get money
for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
released immediately because he has been in
custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation
service to monitor and supervise him.Within
a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will
eventually cost $10 million and state the
obvious, is set up.Additional money is put
into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme
for grasshoppers.
Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum
seekers is increased.
The asylum seeking cats are praised by the
government for enriching Australia's
multicultural diversity and dogs are
criticised by the government for failing to
befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.
The usual sections of the press blame it on
the obvious failure of government to address
the root causes of despair arising from
social inequity and his traumatic experience
of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid $1 million each because
their rights were infringed when the
government failed to inform them there were
mice in Australia.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of
the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries
and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover
losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and order, and they are told that they
will have to work beyond 65 because of a
shortfall in government funds.
*This then, pretty much sums up what's
happening in Australia today, Lucky country?*
*THE END*
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