[BITList] UK expects etc...

[FA]

Hi John
Did you overlook the content
frank

On 8/26/2015 10:39 PM, John Feltham wrote:
>
> MANY A TRUE WORD SPOKEN IN JESTThe Royal Navy is proud to announce its 
> new fleet of Type 45 destroyersHaving initially named the first two 
> ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless,the Naming Committee has, after 
> intensive pressure from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS 
> Prudence.The next five ships are to be HMS Empathy,HMS Circumspect, 
> HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist. Costing £850 million 
> each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & 
> safety and human rights laws.The Royal Navy fully expects any future 
> enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of 
> b_ehaviour.The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair 
> access.Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the 
> risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of 
> compensation claims.Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, 
> as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.The crew will be 50/50 
> men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, 
> sexuality and disability.Sailors will only work a maximum of 37hrs per 
> week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime.All the 
> vessels are equipped with a maternity ward, a crèche and a gay 
> disco.Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational 
> cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms and messes.The Royal Navy is 
> eager to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the 
> lash"; so out has gone the rum ration, replaced by sparkling 
> water.Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. 
> The lash will still be available on request.Saluting of officers is 
> now considered elitist and has been replaced by "Hello Sailor".All 
> information on notice boards will be in 37 different languages and 
> Braille.Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow 
> beards and/or moustaches.This applies equally to female crew.The MoD 
> is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White 
> Ensign may offend minorities.The Union Jack must never be seen.The 
> newly re-named HMS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by Captain 
> Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over 
> the hull.She will gently slide into the sea as the Royal Marines Band 
> plays "In the Navy" by the Village People.Her first deployment will be 
> to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on England 's south 
> coast.The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in 
> modern thinking andthey will always be able to comply with any new 
> legislation from Brussels ."His final words were, "Britannia waives 
> the rules."
>
> 	
>
>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> To unsubscribe from this email List, send an email to:
> BITList-unsubscribe at lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com
>
> BITList mailing list
> BITList at lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com
> http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/mailman/listinfo/bitlist
>
>
>
> No virus found in this message.
> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com <http://www.avg.com>
> Version: 2015.0.6125 / Virus Database: 4409/10515 - Release Date: 08/26/15
>

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20150827/bae04368/attachment-0001.html>