[BITList] A LITTLE GENTLE CHRISTIAN HUMOUR.

[FA]

*A LITTLE GENTLE CHRISTIAN HUMOUR*



      LOT'S  WIFE


     The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back
and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy
looked back once while she was driving," he announced  triumphantly, "And
she turned into a telephone  pole!"

     ________________________________
     GOOD  SAMARITAN

     A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of  the Good
Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

     A  thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,  "I think I'd
throw  up."

     ________________________________
     DID  NOAH FISH?

     A Sunday  school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot
of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

     "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

     ________________________________
     HIGHER  POWER

     A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We  have been learning
how powerful kings and queens  were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher
Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

     One child  blurted out,   "Aces!"

     ________________________________
     MOSES  AND THE RED SEA


     Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in
Sunday School.

     "Well,  Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines
on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to
the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people
walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.
They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were
saved."

     "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his Mother
asked.

     "Well, no, Mom, but, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe  it!"



     ________________________________
     THE  LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

     A Sunday  School teacher decided to have her young class  memorize one
of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the
youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

     Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember
the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

     On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of
the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my  Shepherd, and
that's all I need to  know."

     ________________________________
     UNANSWERED  PRAYER

     The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always
paused and bowed his head for a  moment before starting his sermon. One
day, she asked him why.

     "Well, Honey," he began,  proud that his daughter was so observant of
his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

     "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.



     ________________________________
     BEING  THANKFUL

     A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable.  What does she
say?"

     The  little boy replied, "Thank God he's in  bed!"


     ________________________________
     UNTIMELY  ANSWERED PRAYER

     During the minister's  prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle
from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him
into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such
a thing?"

     Tommy answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He
did!"



     ________________________________
     TIME  TO PRAY

     A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.


     "Yes,  sir." the boy replied.

     "And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

     "No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the  daytime"



     ________________________________
     ALL  MEN / ALL GIRLS

     When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless
every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would
say, "And all girls."

     This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always
add the part about all girls?"

     Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying
'All Men'!"

     ________________________________

     SAY A  PRAYER

     Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was
being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating
right away. "Johnny!  Please wait until we say our prayer." said his
mother.

     "I don't need to," the boy  replied.

     "Of course,  you do." his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer
before eating at our house."

     "That's at our house." Johnny explained.  "But this is Grandma's house
and she knows how to cook!"

























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