[BITList] John Cleese - Alerts to threats in Europe

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                ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2014 EUROPE
                 From JOHN CLEESE

                The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
                events in Syria and have therefore raised their security
                level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
                levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A
                Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross"
                since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran
                out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
                to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued
                a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
                threatened by the Spanish Armada.

                The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed
                Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any
                other levels. This is the reason they have been used on
                the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

                The French government announced yesterday that it has
                raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The
                only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and
                "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
                that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
                paralyzing the country's military capability.

                Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly
                and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two
                more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
                "Change Sides."

                The Germans have increased their alert state from
                "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
                Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
                "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

                Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
                usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO
                pulling out of Brussels.

                The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
                ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have
                glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really
                good look at the old Spanish navy.

                Australia and New Zealand, meanwhile, have raised its
                security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right,
                mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
                think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
                "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever
                warranted use of the last final escalation level.

                Regards,
                John Cleese,
                British writer, actor and tall person

                And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the
                Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in
                disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.*







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