[BITList] 2013 DARWIN AWARDS

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        *2013 DARWIN AWARDS*

        *You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without
        further ado, here are the 2013 Darwin Awards:
        *
        *_Eighth Place_ *

        In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet
        of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
        sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

        *_Seventh Place_**
        *A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
        when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
        his daily run.


        *_Sixth Place_
        *While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
        protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair
        at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of
        sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to
        get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
        using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was
        pronounced dead at a hospital.

        *_Fifth Place_*

        Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling
        of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
        long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands
        free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

        *_Fourth Place_*

        Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with
        friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
        bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
        *
        _Third Place_
        *After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
        front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on
        robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a
        uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the
        officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few
        wild shots from a target pistol.
        The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several
        customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
        pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
        investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.
        The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
        identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.


        *_HONORABLE MENTION_
        *Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving
        around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss
        out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed
        to notice that the window was closed.

        *_RUNNER UP_
        *Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
        of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a
        local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
        more excited and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
        the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
        bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
        Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
        that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end
        around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His
        fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
        off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
        water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot
        was never located.

        *_AND THE WINNER IS....
        _*Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his
        constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
        bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
        pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated
        Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
        olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
        The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
        Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock
        as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top
        of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
        proves... '*Shit happens*'

        *IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING
        THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.*

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