[BITList] A WEEKS WORTH OF LAUGHS~~~~~

[FA]

                    MONDAY
                    The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that
                    her daughter was having sex...
                    Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely
                    impact the
                    family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
                    The doctor told her that teenagers today were very
                    wilful and any attempt to stop the girl would
                    probably result in rebellion. He then told her to
                    arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control
                    and until then, talk to her and give her a box of
                    condoms.
                    Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing
                    for a date, the mother told her about the situation
                    and handed her a box of condoms.
                    The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug
                    her mother, saying,
                    'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm
                    dating Susan!'
                    TUESDAY
                    A man went to church one day and afterwards he
                    stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said,
                    'Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine
                    sermon.
                    Damned good!'
                    The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather
                    you didn't use profanity.'
                    The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that
                    sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering
                    plate!'
                    The preacher said, 'No shit?'
                    WEDNESDAY
                    Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the
                    doctor.
                    With some hesitation, they explained that although
                    their little angel appeared to be in good health,
                    they were concerned about his rather small penis.
                    After examining the child, the doctor confidently
                    declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve
                    the problem.'
                    The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast,
                    there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the
                    middle of the table.
                    'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed, 'for me?'
                    'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for
                    your father.'
                    THURSDAY
                    One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo
                    to find her
                    92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She
                    became violent and ended up pushing him off the
                    balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him
                    instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of
                    murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in
                    her own defense.
                    ‘Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at
                    92, if he could screw,
                    he could fly.'
                    FRIDAY
                    A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .
                    'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to
                    have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
                    Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach
                    lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
                    High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us
                    realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in
                    our drinking water. However, there is one thing that
                    is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten,
                    or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it
                    is that causes the most grief and suffering for
                    years after eating it?'
                    After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in
                    the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
                    ‘Wedding Cake.'
                    SATURDAY
                    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows
                    up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly
                    beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired
                    woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
                    youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over
                    Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
                    His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very
                    first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how’d
                    you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies,
                    ‘Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over,
                    but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
                    marry you?' 'I lied about my age,' Bob replies.
                    'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
                    Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
                    SUNDAY
                    Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus
                    through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese
                    farm, a young guide led them through the process of
                    cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
                    She showed the group a lovely hillside where many
                    goats were grazing.
                    'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out
                    to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then
                    asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
                    A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus
                    tours!'



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