[BITList] Something to offend everyone

[Malcolm]

Subject: Something to offend everyone! 

News flashes:

Now on sale at IKE A - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing , it's all
tongue and groove.

A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely
race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced
they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but
explaining they were not a dating agency.

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of A laddin was anally
raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try
to warn him.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered
sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges
may vary)

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard
asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when
I replied, "Facebook".

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in
tears though - she's crap at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my
feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a
small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of
ham then delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong
but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift
this beer belly.

I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in
Indian sweat shops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers
the little bastards deserved it!

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a
cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

 

 

 

 

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