[BITList] Nelson at Trafalgar 2013
FA
franka at iinet.net.au
Fri Aug 16 10:38:16 BST 2013
All the HSE types will REALLY enjoy this one.......
even if it is just but an update on an old one
frank
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _
>>>>> _MC900089402[1]
>>>>>
>>>>> *Nelson:**"Order the signal, Hardy."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Aye, aye sir."*
>>>>>
>>>>> *
>>>>> Nelson:**"Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to
>>>>> Flags. What's the meaning of this?"**
>>>>>
>>>>> Hardy:**"Sorry sir?"*
>>>>>
>>>>> <!--[if !vml]-->00015913<!--[endif]-->*
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson (reading aloud):**" 'England expects every
>>>>> person to do his or her duty, regardless of race,
>>>>> gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion
>>>>> or disability.' - What gobbledygook is this for
>>>>> God's sake?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're
>>>>> an equal opportunities employer now. We had the
>>>>> devil's own job getting 'England' past the
>>>>> censors, lest it be considered racist."
>>>>> **
>>>>> *<!--[if
>>>>> !vml]-->MC900290958[1]<!--[endif]-->*Nelson:**"Gadzooks,
>>>>> Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now
>>>>> been designated smoke-free working environments."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"In that case, break open the rum ration.
>>>>> Let us splice the main brace
>>>>> to steel the men before battle."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"The rum ration has been abolished Admiral
>>>>> its part of the Government's policy on binge
>>>>> drinking."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd
>>>>> better get on with it - full speed ahead."
>>>>> *<!--[if !vml]-->MM900213528[1]<!--[endif]-->*
>>>>> Hardy:**"I think you'll find that there's a **10
>>>>> **knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"Damn it man! We are on the eve of the
>>>>> greatest sea battle in history. We must advance
>>>>> with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest,
>>>>> please."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"That won't be possible, sir."
>>>>> *<!--[if
>>>>> !vml]-->MC900352723[1]<!--[endif]-->*Nelson: **"What?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Health and Safety have closed the crow's
>>>>> nest, sir, no harness; and they said that rope
>>>>> ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let
>>>>> anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be
>>>>> erected."
>>>>> **
>>>>> *<!--[if
>>>>> !vml]-->MC900293228[1]<!--[endif]-->*Nelson:**"Then get
>>>>> me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access
>>>>> to the fore-deck Admiral."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"Wheelchair access? I've never heard
>>>>> anything so absurd."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Health and safety again, sir. We have to
>>>>> provide a barrier- free environment for the
>>>>> differently- abled."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"Differently-abled? I've only one arm and
>>>>> one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of
>>>>> the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by
>>>>> playing the disability card."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy: **"Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy
>>>>> is under- represented in the areas of visual
>>>>> impairment and limb deficiency."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson: **"Whatever next? Give me full sail. The
>>>>> salt spray beckons."*
>>>>>
>>>>> *
>>>>> *<!--[if
>>>>> !vml]-->MC900056283[1]<!--[endif]-->*Hardy:**"A
>>>>> couple of problems there too, sir. Health and
>>>>> safety won't let the crew up the rigging without
>>>>> hard hats, and they don't want anyone breathing in
>>>>> too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"I've never heard such infamy. Break out
>>>>> the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage
>>>>> the enemy."
>>>>> **
>>>>>
>>>>> Hardy:**"The men are a bit worried about shooting
>>>>> at anyone, Admiral."
>>>>> **
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Nelson:**"What? This is mutiny!"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"It's not that, sir. It's just that
>>>>> they're afraid of being charged with murder if
>>>>> they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of
>>>>> legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like
>>>>> hawks."
>>>>> **
>>>>> *<!--[if !vml]-->10218837<!--[endif]-->
>>>>>
>>>>> *Nelson:**"Then how are we to sink the Frenchies
>>>>> and the Spanish?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Actually, sir, we're not."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"We're *<!--[if
>>>>> !vml]-->00178283<!--[endif]-->*not? Pray tell me why?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"No, sir. The French and the Spanish are
>>>>> our European partners now. According to the Common
>>>>> Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this
>>>>> stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim
>>>>> for compensation."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"But you must hate a Frenchman as you
>>>>> hate the devil."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"I wouldn't let the ship's diversity
>>>>> coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up
>>>>> on disciplinary report."
>>>>>
>>>>> **Nelson:**"You must consider every man an enemy,
>>>>> who **sp**eaks ill of your King."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive
>>>>> in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar
>>>>> vest, it's the rules. It could save your life"
>>>>> *<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->*
>>>>> Nelson:**"Don't tell me - Health and Safety.
>>>>> Whatever happened to rum, the lash and sodomy?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu!
>>>>> And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
>>>>> **
>>>>> Nelson:**"What about sodomy?"
>>>>> **
>>>>> Hardy:**"I believe that is now legal sir."*
>>>>>
>>>>> *
>>>>> **/
>>>>> /**/Nelson:/**"In that case...................
>>>>> Kiss me, Hardy."*
>>>>>
>>>>> _.____._,___
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> <http://www.incredimail.com/?id=621124&did=10501&ppd=2823%2c201207251523%2c9%2c1%2c603698890451857536&rui=147890656&app_test_id=0&sd=20130104>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
--
Paul Scrafton
Phone: +61754837478 <tel:%2B61754837478>
Mobile: +61(0)447548241 <tel:%2B61%280%29447548241>
Skype: paulscrafton
No virus found in this message.
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