[BITList] Cruise Jokes and Costa Concordia

[Malcolm]

A friend sent me this he lectures on PO cruisers. 

 


All in the worst possible taste, particularly for those of us who toil in
the Cruise Industry!!!


--

# What kind of desserts do they serve on Italian cruise ships? - Turnovers

# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks

# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the
captain

# When the Italian cruise ship the Costa Concordia started to sink there was
a frantic push
to get on the lifeboats. Of course this made it easy to spot the British
passengers
who had formed an orderly queue.

# Italian cruise ships rock!

# Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship have found two Scotsmen
at the bar.
They've told the divers to fuck off, they're all inclusive.

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew
where he was
going he replied "off course"

# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.
Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.

# I was watching the news about the stricken cruise ship when the Sky News
presenter
said, "She's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court."
I just happened to glance over at the wife on the sofa and that's how it all
started !

# The Italian army has been called in to help with the people from the
grounded cruise ship.
But they have now swapped sides and have declared war on the survivors.

# A guy walks into a model shop..
"Do you have an aircraft carrier?" he asks.
"I sold out before Christmas," the shopkeeper replies.
"Have you got a battle ship?"
"No," said the shopkeeper.
"What have you got in ships?"
"I will go and look in the store room, just wait a minute."
The shopkeeper came back and said, "I have got a Cruise Liner."
"Can you put it to one side please.

# I would have loved to see the look on the face of the search & rescue dog,
after it crawled through the wreck
of the Costa Concordia only to find itself in a cabin with two Koreans.

# Italian Police are still interviewing the Korean Honeymoon couple found on
the Costa Concordia
as to the whereabouts of the rescue dog that first found them.

# Costa Concordia - the only place where you are guaranteed to get your
drink on the rocks

# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise
liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.

# Now I know it's the 100th anniversary of Titanic and all that but aren't
the Italians going a bit far with their tribute?

# The captain of the Costa Concordia says he is not guilty of manslaughter ,
and has witnesses to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.

# Attention passengers this is your captain, We of Carnival Cruise Lines
Costa Concordia welcome you to Italy.
If you look out the port side now you'll see the beautiful Tuscan sky and to
our starboard
you'll see the old Italian navy.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in
Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.

# I've just bought a Costa Concordia lotto ticket. Fingers crossed it's not
another roll over next week...

# Italian cruise ship captain walks into a bar and says
"Whiskey please barman..."
"On the rocks, sir?" says the barman
"Oh Fok off!"

# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That's
more than can be said for his ship.

# The captain of the Costa Concordia was showing off to his mate on the
island and was doing fine
until he tried the barrel role.

# FOR SALE: One second-hand Italian cruise ship. Modern spacious
fully-functioning and luxurious.
Only known fault: sat nav unreliable. Open to offers, buyer collects.

# It's not all bad news for the captain of the Costa Concordia. He may never
captain a ship again, but
the Royal Navy have expressed an interest in giving him command of a
submarine.

# Captain was heard saying "Watch-a me-a! I can grab-a my balls-a, and steer
the sheep ata the same-a time! "

 

 

 

 

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://lists.bcn.mythic-beasts.com/pipermail/bitlist/attachments/20120130/f737ecd1/attachment.shtml