[BITList] ALERTS TO FINANCIAL AND MILITARY THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE By John Cleese

[Malcolm]

----- : ALERTS TO FINANCIAL AND MILITARY THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE By John
Cleese

 

ALERTS TO FINANCIAL AND MILITARY THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE

 

By John Cleese (British writer, actor and tall person):

 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria

and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to

"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to

"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not

been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran

out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody

Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning

level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

 

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get

the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they

have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France

are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent

fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing

the country's military capability.

 

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"

to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective

Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat

they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish

navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to

"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I

think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is

cancelled." So far no situation has ever

warranted use of the last final escalation level.

 

A final thought -" Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting

aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

 

 

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