[BITList] Fwd: Puns For Lateral Thinkers

[Michael Feltham]

Begin forwarded message:

> From: "pkhewitt" <pkhewitt at sky.com>
> Date: 3 August 2012 11:13:01 GMT+01:00
> To: "Mike Feltham" <ismay at mjfeltham.plus.com>
> Cc: "maxtrish" <maxtrish at wanadoo.fr>
> Subject: Fw: Puns For Lateral Thinkers
> 
>  
> Subject: Fw: Puns For Lateral Thinkers
> 
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> 
> 1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
> with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the 
> Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
> Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
> 
> Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
> 
> "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know
> who I am? I am the king!"
> 
> Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who  you are."
> 
> ---------------------
> 
> 2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
> bowlers.
> 
> Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, and  so
> we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
> 
> ---------------------
> 
> 3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think
> I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down..You'll  just
> have to be a little patient."
> 
> ---------------------
> 
> 4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
> produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches,
> they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that
> people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than Californ ia . This, of
> course, is the origin of the expression "He who has a Tate's is lost!"
> 
> ----------------------
> 
> 5. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
> After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
> elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
> swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
> returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
> thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
> 
> ----------------------
> 
> 6. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
> missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
> local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
> Leif off my census."
> 
> ----------------------
> 
> 7. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an
> elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
> pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
> 
> The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to
> prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the
> squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).
> 
> -----------------------
> 
> 8. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
> with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a
> particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
> anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and
> said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need any enemas." 
> 
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