[BITList] Threat Alerts

[franka]

    ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
    terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels
    inFranceare Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
    by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,
    effectively paralyzing the country'smilitary capability.

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events
    inLibyaand have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
    to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again
    to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A
    Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
    Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome" to "A Bloody
    Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "BloodyNuisance"
    warning level was in 1588, when threatened by theSpanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised theirthreat levelfrom "Pissed Off" to "Let's
    get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
    reason they have been used on the front line of theBritish armyfor
    the last 300 years.

        Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
        Excitedly" to Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
        remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

        The Germans have increased theiralert statefrom "Disdainful
        Arrogance" to Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
        also have two higher levels:"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

        Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the
        only threat they are worried about isNATOpulling out of Brussels .


        The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
        deploy.
        These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
        Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

        Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
        worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation
        levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie
        this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation
        has ever warranted use of the final escalation level,

        John Cleese .,
        British writer, actor and tall person

        =

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