[BITList] Kulula Airlines
franka
franka at iinet.net.au
Fri Aug 12 08:07:43 BST 2011
*Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't
take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And
have a read about their Customer Relations.*
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD
SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH
AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in
Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to
make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit
more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just
sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard
time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a
seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're
going to leave anything, please make sure it's something
we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us
the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban
Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o--
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments
because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything
has shifted."
---o0o---
> From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate
your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't
be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If
you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your
favourite."
---o0o---
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore
and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or
spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of
the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"
---o0oâ??
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landingin Cape
Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking.
I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it
wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's
fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0oâ??
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach,
the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please
remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0oâ??
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0oâ??
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline
had a policy which required the first officer to stand at
the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
"Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers
in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little
old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0oâ??
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the
attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a
screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke
has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open
the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to
the terminal.."
---o0oâ??
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today..
And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0oâ??
Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking
section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light
'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
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