[BITList] Fwd: The Church Ladies Are Back...

[Michael Feltham]

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Don Crellin" 
Date: 20 March 2010 10:24:37 GMT
To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;>
Subject: Fw: The Church Ladies Are Back...

 

 
 

Love  those Church Ladies.. They're  Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank  God for church ladies with typewriters. These  sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually  appeared in church bulletins or were announced  in church services:
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The Fasting  & Prayer Conference includes  meals. 
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The sermon this morning:  'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:  'Searching for  Jesus.' 
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Ladies, don't forget the  rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those  things not worth keeping around the house. Bring  your  husbands. 
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Remember in prayer the  many who are sick of our community. Smile at  someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to  someone who doesn't care much about  you. 
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Don't let worry kill you  off - let the Church  help. 
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Miss Charlene Mason sang  'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious  pleasure to the  congregation. 
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For those of you who have  children and don't know it, we have a nursery  downstairs. 
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Next Thursday there will  be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help  they can  get. 
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Irving Benson and Jessie  Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school  days. 
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A bean supper will be  held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will  follow. 
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At the evening service  tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is  Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir  practice 
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Eight new choir robes are  currently needed due to the addition of several  new members and to the deterioration of some  older  ones. 
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Scouts are saving  aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be  recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.  
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Please place your  donation in the envelope along with the deceased  person you want  remembered.
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The church will host an  evening of fine dining, super entertainment and  gracious  hostility. 
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Potluck supper Sunday at  5:00 PM - prayer and medication to  follow.
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The ladies of the Church  have cast off clothing of every kind. They may  be seen in the basement on Friday  afternoon. 
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This evening at  7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park  across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come  prepared to  sin. 
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Ladies Bible Study will  be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies  are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall  after the B. S. is  done. 
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The pastor would  appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation  would lend him their electric girdles for the  pancake breakfast next  Sunday. 
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Low Self Esteem Support  Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the  back  door. 
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The eighth-graders will  be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church  basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is  invited to attend this  tragedy. 
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Weight Watchers will meet  at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please  use large double door at the side  entrance. 
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The Associate  Minister unveiled the church's new campaign  slogan last  Sunday: 
"I  Upped My Pledge - Up  Yours".
       
  

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