[BITList] Indian officialese

[John Feltham]

Dear Listers,

A friend sent me the following gems of Indian official English.  I have added one of my own at the end.

Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave: 

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave." 



This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who wants leave to perform the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son (Bestowing of the Sacred Thread, a necessity for a Brahmin.  The head is completely shaved as a part of the ritual.): 

"As I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.." 



Another gem from C-DAC. Letter asking for leave sent in by an employee for performing his daughter's wedding: 

"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave." 



>From Hindusthan Aeronautics Ltd. Administration Dept: 

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am the only one responsible, please grant me 10 days leave." 



Another employee applied for a half-day leave as follows: 

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o'clock and I may not return, please grant me a half-day's casual leave" 



A letter seeking leave: 

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday." 



A letter of leave addressed to the Headmaster: 

"As I am studying in this school, I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" 



Another leave letter to the Headmaster: 

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day." 



Covering note: 

"I am enclosed herewith..." 



Another one: 

"Dear Sir, with reference to the above, please refer to below..." 



An application of leave: 

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". 



A letter begins: 

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." 



A candidate's application for a job: 

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and  Accountant - Male or Female'.  As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.



This last one is my personal favorite.  Chimanrao Jog is a humorous fictional character of the 1940's.  He is a clerk, working for his boss Mr.Turnbull, in the Ordnance Factory in Poona.  Like any good son, he performs his late father's Shraaddh Rite every year on the anniversary of his father's death.  As a part of this ritual, Brahmins are fed and they represent the dead forebears.  In Marathi this is literally called 'feeding the forefathers'.



Chimanrao translates this into English and writes to his boss Mr.Turnbull:



Sir, 



As my forefathers will be coming to my house tomorrow for lunch, please grant me one day's leave of absence.



Your obedient servant,



C.V.Jog



Arvind Kolhatkar, Toronto, June 12, 2010.

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