[BITList] Its all in the mind.

[John Feltham]

The Smiths were  unable to conceive children and decided to use a  
surrogate
father to start their  family. On the day the proxy father was to  
arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife  goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man
should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
Ma'am', he  said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,  'I've been
expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the  photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you  
know
babies are my specialty?'

'Well  that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat  !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room  
floor
is  fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No  wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none  of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different  positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,  
I'm
sure you'll be pleased with  the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in  my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be  
In
and out in five  minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I  know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of  his
baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my ......!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs.  Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the   
job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with  amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three  hours, too.  
The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly   
concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when  the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on  your,
uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,  I'll set-up my tripod  
and
we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much   
too
big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted




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